Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Lord Snooty

So, we're sitting in a bar, my husband and me, chatting as you do about this and that. A companionable silence develops, we are relaxed, drinking our wine and watching the world go by. A hugely fat couple waddle past us, he wearing low slung football shorts revealing the hairiest and mightiest of butt-cracks, she giving us the benefit of a really good look at her pregnant, veiny abdomen as it balloons out between maternity jeans and cropped top, belly ring twinkling in the sunlight.

I look at my husband, the master of disparaging remarks, a warning gleam in my eye.

"Don't even say it".

"What??"

"You know what I mean. You're such a snob. Don't even think it."

He shrugs.

"I wasn't thinking anything, just going to say something along the lines that if you sit here long enough, all of life is here."

"Oh. Sorry." My mistake.

"Including pond."

18 comments:

belle said...

Yay! You're back and on form too! Lordy, I've missed you :)

Swearing Mother said...

My word you're quick Belle. Missed you too, couldn't stay away any longer.

x

CrazyCath said...

Oh yes! You are back.
So good to see you. I was just thinking of you tonight an' all as you know....
Your husband has a way with words I like. :0)

david mcmahon said...

Welcome back.

Did you see me there, too?

I was sitting right beside you and Lord Snooty!!

Maggie May said...

Welcome back! You never know who you might be sitting next to! Don't you just LOVE the way large people show off their mid drifts & bums?

Lola said...

Andy and I raise our eyebrows. Can't help it, but at leats it's more discreet than screeching "Look at the state of THAT!"

Norman said...

Yeah, I like it!!!
Welcome back.

Manic Mother Of Five said...

Love that expression "pond life" it's sooooooooooo snobby. One of my favourites. Glad you found your mojo again. Missed ya!

Miriam said...

Yippie, you're back! And gave me a great laugh today, just when I really needed one. Hope you enjoyed your break, mimi

Louise said...

That's a good way to put it!

Calum said...

Back and on form.

Glad to see you posting again.

Valleys Mam said...

Hey hugs welcome back - now sit and stay a while
Loved the post lol

Suzysoo said...

Hey, Hey! You're back.

It's good to read you again!

Mopsa said...

Ha ha ha ha ha....he's quick off the mark, your chap.

Pam said...

Welcome back! I've missed you.
That's one plus about living in America - my hubby and I can make rude comments and people don't even know. For example, we can state "syrup!" when we see someone wearing a wig and no one is any the wiser. English slang is a great thing, especially the cockney stuff.

Swearing Mother said...

Cath Hi! I know you were thinking of me, that's what kick-started me again! Thanks.

David, thought it was you!

Hi Maggie, I love anyone with a bigger bum than mine, so am always grateful when they show it off.

Lola, it's just gotta be said!

Hi Norman, thanks for that.

MMOF, missed you too.

Miriam, sounds like you're having a bit of a time, everything OK?

Hi Louise, thanks for calling.

Hello Calum, lovely to read you.

Hiya Valley's Mam, thanks.

Hello Suzysoo, glad to be back.

Mopsa, you are not wrong!

Pam there's nothing like having a bit of a giraffe at someone else's expense, is there?

Frog in the Field said...

Awesome, are you married to my husband too?

Swearing Mother said...

Hi Frog, I think it's a man thing. Or at least it's our men. I dunno, what are they like?