I spend quite a lot of time worrying about the effect I have on other people. Have I been mean to someone? Was I a bit sharp? Am I being unfair? That kind of thing. I have a dread of saying something a bit too near the mark (apart from swearing of course) and upsetting someone, or being unfairly critical or hurtful. I don't like that in others, so hate it in myself. But I know I occasionally do it even so.
The problem is, I am a real bitch when riled. Or even when moderately annoyed. Or mildly cheesed off, come to think about it. I regularly give myself a good talking to about that. Having the ability to answer back, to always think of the killer put-down and never be lost for words is something of a curse if you happen to have a conscience about what you say, but an inability to stop yourself saying it. I really wish I was a nicer person. I would like to be able to see something really irritating happening and not feel compelled to comment about it, to just shrug and sigh and walk away, maybe sagely nodding my head. But it just ain't happening. I always wade in, fight my corner, your corner, anybody's corner, whoever. And you know what? I'm getting a bit tired of myself. I need to change, I want to be sweetness and light, I'd like to just let stuff wash over me, my feathers remaining unruffled. A new serene me.
And what has brought about this epiphany?
Well, have you seen how ugly Heather McCartney looks in all the papers this week? The more she rants and raves, spits venom and chucks water, the more unattractive that girl is looking (which is more than can be said for Sir Paul's divorce lawyer, Fiona Shackleton, who looks so much better soaking wet than dry). Everyone is laughing at Heather and she still doesn't know why. All in all she's made a complete fool of herself, but still argues on and on and on, despite the fact that she has been well and truly rumbled. The girl just doesn't know when to shut up.
So, as I was looking at her pictures in the papers this week and wondering why, if she's got so much money, she doesn't sort her eyebrows out (and yes, that was my bitchy self speaking, I haven't quite got it under control just yet) and noticing what anger, vengeance and greed can do to a person, it occured to me that getting so emotional can't be all that good for you. Perhaps sometimes it is true that you can't always get what you want, and not getting it is maybe good for the soul or something like that.
Anyway, from now on expect a cool, calm and collected Non-Swearing Mother, who never says anything remotely bitchy or offensive (at least until the end of this week). After that let's see how long it lasts.