Friday, 7 March 2008

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Don't know if you're a Rolling Stones fan or not, I am. So is my husband. We met at a disco (which would now be called a club) and fell in love whilst Mick Jagger strutted his stuff, wiggled his skinny hips and puckered those famous lips. At the time we did a huge amount of lip puckering of our own, quite a bit of strutting and definitely went in for hip wiggling, big-time. Sad though it is to think about it now when my hips have expanded to a size where they don't so much wiggle as wobble, back then we thought we were quite cool, actually, and looking back at the photos of us then, I think we really were. Years later we're still Stones fans, cavorting about behind closed doors to Brown Sugar or exacerbating our tinnitus by listening to Honky Tonk Woman on the car stereo way, way too loud, even though now we're supposed to be old enough to know better. But it's so great that the Stones are still around, carrying on regardless and doing their own thing as ever. I so identify with that. And, what's more, they're even older than we are.

All in all we feel that band is, somehow, ours.

So last night, the day before preview tickets for Martin Scorcese's Rolling Stones film "Shine A Light" were due to be released, I spent hours cruising the net trying to find out how to get tickets for the advanced simultaneous showing of the film at one of the selected cinemas across the UK. This is going out on April 2nd via satellite at the same time as the rich and famous will be seeing it in London, and is probably going to be the nearest we ordinary folk will ever get to going to a film premiere. I know it won't be the same fetching up at the Erdington Roxy, or wherever, but in spirit I'll be walking down the red carpet at the Leicester Square Odeon, should I be lucky enough to get some tickets. I'm already planning what I'm going to wear.

But I'm not experienced at booking this sort of thing, I just couldn't find a "how to" or "where to buy" site, however hard I looked. I've even registered with the film company website, hoping that this will give us a chance if there's a lottery type draw for tickets. Fingers crossed. But how frustrating.

Then suddenly, whilst I was writing this post, I took a quick look back at the website and, bloody hell, there was a new web address where I could get tickets, so I logged onto that only to be told that the cinemas listed in our area don't accept internet bookings for this one-off preview event. Bugger. They did however give the booking line phone numbers, so I rang and got put through to an automated phone service which bounced me round the various options until my ears bled. None of them were what I wanted, so I went round a second time, and then a third. Finally, when I got tired of shouting obscenities at recorded voices that wouldn't answer back, I decided to ring the cinemas direct, whereupon I was told that they couldn't do a credit card transaction over the phone, but I could either a) pick up some tickets in person (how quaint), or b) try again to get them from a different internet address. Great, back to square one. At least this time the voice at the end of the phone had the decency to sound shocked when I let loose a string of expletives which would have made a docker blush.

If there's one thing I can't stand it's being buggered about by automated phone services. If I'm going to be messed about with, I'd much prefer to have the satisfaction of being able to yell at a real person, not a machine. At least they have the decency to fight back.

So, once more into battle.

Press 1) if you'd like to hear a list of films you don't want to see.

Press 2) if you'd like to book tickets for a film you don't want to see.

Press 3) if you'd like to hear perfomance times of the film you don't want to see.

Press 4) if you'd like to send a band of drug-crazed machete wielding miscreants to beat our absolutely infuriating automatic phone service into a trillion smouldering pieces.


All in all, I can't get no satisfaction.

Oh no, no, no.


http://www.shinealightmovie.co.uk/

32 comments:

Barb McMahon said...

I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who likes to swear at the automated messages....

Good luck with the tickets!

the mother of this lot said...

Off topic:

Due to a paradigm shift away from my thoughts of violence towards you, I have reconsidered and have decided not to descend on the Midlands with a napalm-filled flamethrower...just in case you really are the Green Lantern!

Swearing Mother said...

Thank goodness for that. And who the f*ck is Green Lantern, anyway?

Norman said...

One way I discovered, quite by accident, is not to press any buttons at all. After about three or four prompts the machine gives up and puts me through to a human being. It always works. I do it every time now. Mind you a can be a bit of a Victor Meldrew once I get going.

I tried that quiz thing of CrazyCath's and it says I'm Cat-WOMAN????

CrazyCath said...

Great to see you back! Yes I have this same problem and swear at machines too. Poor machines. They only do what they are told, unlike the operators.

I think you showed remarkable restraint. And like Norman, I buck the system. Press random numbers (that are not listed as options) and you'll get a human you can swear at.
;0)

Sweet Irene said...

It's good to see such fire burning in you for your favorite rock band and I am impressed with the amount of suffering you are willing to put yourself through for the sake of some tickets, and, by God, I hope you get them , because after all that aggravation, you deserve them!

If only the Stones knew what an ardent fan they had in you! You are what makes their world rock, after all.

Good luck! O hope it all works out, let us know.

Manic Mother Of Five said...

Hmmmmm, shouting at taped recordings isn't exactly rock n roll is it. Totally frustrating I know but you have to persist - you NEED to be there.

Suzy said...

I agree with MMOF...
You have got to go!!

Good luck with the tickets.

I'm all for swearing at recordings or live people on the phone when they're stupid...

Love,
Suzy

merry weather said...

You're in fine form Jane - hope you get those tickets!! Reading you it's only a matter of seconds before I'm chuckling...sorry, I mean at your words not your frustration! Great stuff.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

I know what you mean. Have you tried to get in touch with BT lately? Impossible!

Kaycie said...

I shouted at the automated attendant to let me talk to a real person the last time I was frustrated with one of these things.

It worked. Really.

I do hope you're able to score those tickets. I think the two of you need to go.

Tina said...

Norman's bang on. Pressing no buttons will get you a human. Well, almost a human.

travelling, but not in love said...

You can't always get what you want, indeed....Sounds like a right bloody nuisance!

No doubt it'll be worth it though. I'd love to see the film - I'm a big stones fan - and you thought it was all Kylie and Steps chez moi, didn't you?

Pam said...

In the USA pressing zero tranfers you to a human - wonder if that works for you too?
The absolute most annoying are the automated ones that make you speak your response - that always ends up with me swearing like a fish wife.
Good luck with the tickets!

Maggie May said...

Those automated messages really get me going too!
As you are such a devoted fan, it doesn't seem fair if you have to struggle so much to get tickets. I wish you every success!

MZUNGU CHICK said...

I'm bl**dy pressing 4 but those b*****s STILL keep talking to me!

Swearing Mother said...

Hi Barb! Nice to read you. Still trying to get tickets, and STILL swearing!

MOTL: Who the 'eck is Green Lantern, that's what I'd like to know!

Norman, I've tried that and have now got RSI of my finger from pounding the keypad. Can I sue them?

Cath, hello. I've done a whole month's worth of swearing in just the last two days, so frustated!

Sweet Irene, if there's any justice in this world, Mick Jagger will personally send me two tickets to the actual premiere in London. We'll see.

MMOF: Rock 'n Roll it ain't, so maddenining!

Suzy, if they gave Open University degrees in swearing, this week I'd have earned myself a doctorate!

Hello Merry, good to read you again. x

Wakeup, don't think I could handle trying to get in touch with BT, I'd probably explode with rage after this little lot.

Thanks Kaycie, it would be hilarious if companies recorded the responses to their automated services messages - guess many of them would be X-rated.

Ooh Tina, I've truly earned the name Swearing Mother this week. Feel quite exhausted with the effort of it.

Travelling, nah, Kylie and Steps? I know you're a Rufus fan, don't forget.

Hi Pam, in theory O is supposed to
produce a human response over here too, but then there's human and human, if you get my drift.

Maggie May, Hi! You are correct right Maggie, by rights I should have a seat right next to Mick's.

Hello Mzungu Chick, I know, it drives us all mad. Why do we put up with it??

CrazyCath said...

SM - note for you at mine after your comment on my 'son' post. Can't be ar**d to write it out here too...
;0)

Norman said...

I've put in a reference to you on my blog entry for today comparing the Stones to a choral work in Gloucester cthedral. I think you'd better take a look!!!

GoneBackSouth said...

"... But if you try some time, you might find, you get what you neee-eeed, oh yeah!"

If you need those tickets, they'll be yours if you keep trying!

Swearing Mother said...

Thanks Cath.

Norman, you are quite right. Music for the soul, man.

GonebackSouth: You are SO right, have got some at last!! Rock 'n roll, here I come!

Mopsa said...

I was thinking, only this morning, that Ian Dury and the Blockheads was the epitome of MY time. The filthier lyrics get sung all over the house, under the shower, at breakfast, strolling along. I love the Stones too - it seems that those who sing filthy lyrics get my favour.

Swearing Mother said...

Mopsa, we loved Ian Dury too, what a guy. He taught me everything I know!

Milla said...

yes, the not pressing any button is a good one because then they think you are an old person with an old phone - boy, can you give them a shock when you launch in all option-ed out. I remember seeing the Stones about 25 years ago when they were younger than I am now (sob) and feeling vaguely embarrassed for their prancing about when So Very Old (hmmmm) and, even then when vaguely gorgeous and fit myself (something I could only say now when providing proof is all but impossible) teenage-impressed (if such a notion exists) at how bloody athletic they were.

the mother of this lot said...

Came back to say there's an award over here for you...

Mean Mom said...

Mind you don't put your back out with all that cavorting. Due to the inefficiency of modern technology, it's easier and quicker to pick your tickets up in person these days, apparently.

Hi swearing mother. How are you? Remember me? I'm relieved to see that you are still blogging and as brilliantly as ever. I'm glad that you found my best backside photo' comical all those months ago. Sorry I disappeared so abruptly. I'm now trying to climb out of the deep pit I've been in for most of the winter. It's spring, tra la! I hope to stick around a bit longer this time.

Swearing Mother said...

Hi Milla, yes old Mick still looks as fit as a butcher's dog. Who says sex, drugs and rock 'n roll are bad for you?

Hi Mother of This Lot, over in a min.

Mean Mom!! You're back, thought I recognised that backside! Still laughing at that photo, but looking forward to reading your new posts once more.

Winchester whisperer said...

Maybe some brown sugar would help?

softinthehead said...

Well I am waiting to hear, did you get what you wanted?

knifepainter said...

Made me giggle again SM.

Saw a trailer for the Stones flick yesterday. Looks very good, might nip into the city and have a look.

Swearing Mother said...

WW you could indeed be right, I've tried just about everything else!

Softinthehead: Gonna keep you guessing just a little bit longer.

Knifepainter, thought you might like it, you being a rocker and all that.

George said...

Let me know how the drug-crazed, machete-wielding miscreants work out and if they're for hire. Enjoyed the posts. Hope you get to enjoy the movie. Thanks.