Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Sixty's Chic?

Hey, guess what? I am officially an O.A.P. as from last Sunday.

Weird, I know. And to be honest, it's a little bit scary. I'm wondering just what happened to the time, to the long-legged mini-skirted girl, striding out into life in white PVC boots and Mary Quant mini-skirt, dancing the night away to the Sweet Soul Music at Le Metro,The Rum Runner and Opposite Lock; smoking, drinking, laughing, loving my days and nights away. Well, she met her match, married him, made a Habitat home and settled down. Became a mother, (definitely not a swearing one), wiped bottoms and noses, pushed prams, liquidised carrots, washed nappies and floors. Bathed sore knees, kissed them better, made cakes and excuses for lost homework. Did the school run, forgot to wash gym kits, searched for nits, dealt with worms, had a perm. Learned to worry, worry, worry. Put on weight, wore big earrings and shoulder pads. Watched Dallas, bought some lip-gloss, thought JR was a bastard but kind of fancied him. Became a nag, a working Mum, an always knackered cleaning bore, a mother of arsey teenagers, a picker-up of rancid socks, a drug tsar, a lecturer on STD's and unwanted pregnancies, one half of the bank of Mum and Dad, a taxi-driver, a tennis partner, made Henry Kissinger and his peace-keeping force look like a bunch of amateurs. Wiped away tears, tried to allay fears. Took worry to higher level, became an ever vigilant witch, a total wreck, couldn't sleep until that key went in the door at 4 a.m. Became a Uni Mum of brainy son and mother of the bride, glowed with pride. Watched them pack, wanted them back, broke my heart. Learned to start again with a different life.

Nearly forgot to remember that once, long ago, there were only the two of us, and two of us once more there would be. Had trouble with the sadness the empty nest brought with it. Had trouble with the tidy house, the quiet house, the empty house. Thought that black hole would definitely get me.

Decided to get a grip. Started a blog. Made some more friends. Had a laugh. Learned to swear in print (fucking liberating, I can tell you). Bought a sports car, had a new hairdo, rediscovered who's the Daddy round here, decided I still really liked him, started to have a bloody good time. Learned to be a bit selfish, self-indulgent and flash, discovered high maintenance hair-do's, facials and the gym. And then, suddenly, I was sixty.

Bloody hell. Now how am I going to deal with that, my dear friends?

22 comments:

Maggie May said...

Congratulations! Hope you have applied for your bus pass!
Oh the descriptive way you took me through all those years...... been there, done that.
Next stage will be the grand children and then it will start all over again.
Mind you, I can give you a few years. Not saying how many though!

Mopsa said...

In your stride, SM, in your stride; that's how you'll deal with it! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Cath said...

The same way you dealt with 59 dear friend.

I'm half way through that story. Got to the waiting till the key is in the door bit... you mean there's more? *sigh*

Sarah said...

Sounds like you're doing a fucking good job, so far, Honey!
Somehow, I don't think it's going to be dominoes or crazy golf for you.
xxS

Valleys Mam said...

buy a purple hat and be twice as arsey xxxx happy birthday

Amy said...

You've managed to hit the highs and lows and your enviable personality in a three-paragraph memoir. I hope, someday, a long, long, long time from now, when I turn (shhh...) 60 (oh my god) I will have such a well-lived life to reflect on. Happy birthday from one (much younger--much, much younger) swearing mum to another. Really.

belle said...

Fabulous summary of a life full of living with the promise of much more to come. Love your sixties SM, I'm stuck with the arsey teenagers and desperately looking at my sixties as a beacon of hope on a very dark horizon so don't let me down!

As a birthday treat, try this: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Suddenly-Sixty-Other-Shocks-Later/dp/068486763X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1241074389&sr=8-1

I love it.
xxx

The Gossamer Woman said...

Hell, woman, you're not going to let a little detail like that bother you, are you?

Lois said...

I think you are probably going to write your way through it and pave the path for those of us behind.
so enjoyed your post, what a descriptive writer you are. Glad I happened upon your blog today, I am 50 tomorrow! Coming up behind you.

Pam said...

Happy Birthday! I hope to God I have one ounce of your savvy when I'm 60.

MBNAD woman said...

Fabulous post. Now a little puzzle ... how's your maths? You're only 60 if you count in base 10. If you count in say, base 12, then you're only 50! How does that sound? Happy fiftieth birthday :-)

On the other hand, no freedom pass yet. I just settle for lying ...

Mimi said...

WOW! You'll deal with it in your own inimitable way!
I absolutely love your summary of your life so far, and as a friend wrote on my 50th card, it's all freewheeling from here on in. Can't say that it's true at the moment (arsey teenager stage here!) but in ways a lot easier than my 20's, when I worried a lot more about what people thought!
Happy Birthday, and here's to more of them! mimi

Swearing Mother said...

Hi Maggie May, nope, haven't applied for the bus pass as yet, thinking of getting a Senior Rail Card though - do they work on Eurostar I wonder?

Hello Mopsa, thanks for that, hope you're right!

Cath, brace yourself for the other half!

Hello Sarah, nice to read you. Definitely no dominoes for me, I'll stick to poker.

Hi VM, purple really suits me, which is a good job.

Hello Amy, thanks for those kind words. Glad to hear there's another swearing mother out there, makes me feel a bit better!

Hello Belle, lovely to read you again. Thanks for the birthday treat tip!

Hi Irene, trying not to let it bother me, especially now I've owned up to my vast age.

Hello Lois, nice to meet you. Hope you have a very happy 50th birthday, have a great time. 50? Pah!!

Hiya Pam, doing my best to keep "with it" as you youngsters say.

MBNAD, my maths are terrible but I'll go along with anything that makes me sound a lot younger.

Hello Mimi, ah those teenage years - if you can get through those unscathed you've done well. I still bear the scars!

knifepainter said...

Fill your fucking boots luv !
X

travelling, but not in love said...

You'll deal with it by being Fabulous. Fabulous, I tell you!

Happy Birthday dearest Sweary!

(do you facebook? drop me an email if you do, I can send you a friend thingy...)

MBNAD woman said...

Hi there Swearing Mother. I've tagged you but don't feel obliged to follow through.

She's like the wind said...

Congratulations and a happy belated birthday, that was a superb summary of your life, I'm at the knackered, cleaning bore at the moment!! xx

The Woman who Can said...

Have a rest, become your best?

See, I still pop in from time to time...

The Woman who Can said...

Albeit under a different name...

Tina
xxx

Swearing Mother said...

KP, you damned right I will.

Travelling, Hi. Will have to get Facebooked-up and then I can send you a thingy.

MBNAD will be over, ASAP!

Hello SLTW! Lovely to talk to you again!

Tina!! Is that you? Fantastic!

Fragrant Liar said...

Seems to me you came full circle. :) As with our crazy fashion statements of the '60s, things keep going round and round.

Love your very smart blog. I'll be back to visit.

Elizabeth Harper said...

After seeing my almost 49 year old (rumpled) morning face in the mirror having just finished reading the blog of a woman concerned with turning 40, I find your post on 60 just what I needed to put it all in perspective again. You sound wickedly interesting and I'll be back to see what else you're getting up to very soon.