Well, here I am, but frankly I don't know what to say. It's been a funny couple of weeks, not sure how to describe them but, you know me - I'll always have a go.
There's nothing dramatic to report really, just a general melancholy which came on roughly about the same time as we put the clocks back. Not having had much summer it made me feel a bit sad about the winter being nearly upon us, and even though these lovely autumn days were unbelievably beautiful, it's just made me think dark thoughts.
This time of year in the run up to Christmas, I always miss family members who are not with us any more. Baking a Christmas cake to my lovely mother-in-law's recipe, written in her own handwriting on the back of an old greetings card covered in splats of cake mix, always makes me yearn for a hug from her and Grandpa. I miss my Mum, Dad and brother. Talk of Christmas dinner, Boxing Day parties, prezzies and shopping makes me realise how very small my family gift list has become.
But I will snap out of it, always do. There's plenty to do, hopefully our little family will be together, we'll eat too much, drink too much and fall asleep in front of the TV as usual. Wouldn't have it any other way, except of course, for the things we can wish for but cannot have.
Sorry. It's this time of year. Will be better soon.
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40 comments:
Yup, that time of year alright. I mean for goodness sake it was dark at 5.00 You'd think we'd get used to it but I'm outraged every year.
I dread Christmas - but there's a long story to that and has everything to do with my mum being extra demanding.
Holidays are hard. And the fact that it's dark and gloomy doesn't help at all.
I hope that you are able to come up from the gloominess. Fast would be good, don't you think?
Hi Mid-lifer, I think many people find the run up to the Festive season a bit hard, in more ways than one.
Hi RC: Yeah, I'll be fine, just got the blues and couldn't find my sense of humour for a while.
I so look forward to 21st December when the light starts to come back.
It is a SAD time. Christmas is a funny time for many people.
So many rows and family fallout happens around this time of year.Also the stress of buying and spending money that you dont really have causes so many rows.
May be just chilling out more and stop creating our own barriers may help us .
Valleys Mam, think you are right. Sorry I was having a whinge when you visited my blog, lovely to read you though.
november is the gloomiest month.
you'll get through it. chocolate, wine, and fresh air.
you'll be OK.
Seasonal sadness. I think I'm starting to feel it too.
Of course it doesn't help that I just started a diet.
I'll cheer up if you will. Deal?
I find the holidays terribly difficult, too. It all does come out okay in the end, though. I hope you feel better very soon.
Hi Laurie, thanks for coming over. Will be taking your advice re fresh air tomorrow, the chocolate and wine are already a done deal!
The Ex: Hi! It's a deal. Feeling better already.
Thanks Kaycie, lovely of you to visit.
I'm not keen on this time of year either - hope it gets better!
Maybe things'll go on the up after this low spot :). Well, I keep telling myself that anyhow.
What we really need, I think, is cold air - then we can snuggle up in warm clothes, feel cosy, cook casseroles and get into the swing of autumn/winter. The way it is now is just as if summer has been strangely modified... it feels odd!
This is a poignant and melancholic post, SM, but as ever is beautifully written. Really sorry to hear you've been feeling so down and hope you up and bouncing again soon. Swing by Tina and take her out in your fab car - don't you have a Thelma and Louise moment to re-enact??
ps. Tina's sitting next to me while I type ...
Hi Merry, thanks for dropping in. I think you're right, winter's OK once it's really here and we're used to it. Everything OK with you?
Hello Belle and Tina, thanks so much for the kind words. I am fine, just had a few days with nothing much to say, felt a bit miz so wasn't going to say anything at all. But you know me, eventually I will blab!
I'm delighted you're back, even in your melancholy.Why don't you come to my 50th birthday party on 24th of this month- I'm so stressed out planning it that I forgot to go for the expensive massage I booked to destress me- and ended up paying half the fee for nothing! mimi not mike
Mimi, forgot your massage and had to pay half? What a bugger that is! You sound in a worse state than me. Just make sure you have a manicure the day before your party, or even a mini-facial(don't forget the appointment now) with the other half of your massage money, and you'll feel great.
Your party will be fine. Have a great one.
Yep its downright gloomy this time of year! I could do my grumpy old woman bit and moan about the clocks going back(why why why?)the stupidity of the shops who put their decorations up in October,or the utter nightmare that is Christmas shopping, but I wont instead I will offer you my piece of advice so as not to succumb to the winter blues;drink as much as you can as often as you like, a nice large glass of chilled wine, some decent cheese, and something watchable on TV( I like a decent drama) and I can almost become festive! well almost...Bah Humbug!
Good advice Gena, which I will be following to the letter! Thanks so much for calling.
Thought about going abroad for the Hols?
We did it several years in a row... wonderful! It's like a secret Christmas Evaders Club - everyone has a common purpose. Preferably find somewhere warm (like Mexico) and/or Muslim (Morocco) and you'll positively be looking forward to it all! Santa Claus parascending down to the sweltering beach in Acapulco is a sight never to be forgotten.
What a great idea ASU! Tequila instead of sherry, tortillas rather than mince pies. Interesting.
Ta for calling, nice to read you again.
Here on my own this time. Will keep coming back to check on you. I'm like that. Interfering old bag. But I do it beautifully.
Hiya Tina, that's lovely. I am OK, just had a prolonged attack of the vapours, that's all. Will be back ASAP.
x
I quite like the connection I feel with my grandfather, from the few documents/possesions I have left. They help me remember and not forget.
Bah-fucking-humbug...........me too !
Ah come on, it would be a very long winter without Christmas- just do the shopping online or from a catalogue, relax and enjoy all those lovely pressies and mince pies. Yum! Yum! mimi
Hello Grocer, twins ok? Know what you mean, it's good to feel connected with your past at times.
Knifepainter, you old Scrooge. I always thought you loved stuff in stockings.
Hiya Mike, I love Christmas, me. I even like the shopping (of course), especially the sort that involves sparkly things. Bring it on, I say.
I believe 'SAD' exists, the winter blues. Not only is it dark early but it's wet and dreary. I'm never very motivated at this time of year. I'm the same about Christmas, everyone loves it and I just think it's a horrible time of year. If it wasn't for the kids, I think I would go abroad and spend christmas and new year somewhere hot.
I LOVE stuff'in stockings !
It's not Christmas, it's the dark that I don't like.
Soon be spring though !
Can so appreciate the way you feel - really melancholy time of year in UK.
You simply must come here - it is the best time; light, warmth and you can celebrate Christmas, or not, just as the fancy takes you!
SEM, Hiya! You're right about it being dark too early and dreary. I think we'd all feel that much better about it if we'd had a good summer.
Knifepainter, as always you are a ray of sunshine. Post some more lovely outdoorsy pics on your blog? Especially beach ones. Lovely.
Hi Debio, could certainly do with a bit more sunshine after our terrible summer. I expect there will be quite a few of us who feel a bit cheated that it's all over now for another year. Isn't Christmas weird, though, when it's hot? Can't imagine what that must be like.
Thanks for visiting BTW. I'm really enjoying your blog.
Hi Swearing Mother, it is always a difficult time of year/ The cornerstone of my christmas was my mum, but she's no longer with us, now it has all fallen apart and we are left with memories.
So good food and a film on the telly sounds good. I light the log fires, and plonk a cat on my lap and tell him/her all my woes.
Sorry you are feeling down. I love rading your blog, you are gifted in the way that you right. Rock on Swearing Mother xxxxxx
Not one curse or four-letter word! You've gone soft, woman. It's a lovely piece but I do hope that these 30 comments don't persuade you to change your style.
If you disagree then be sure to tell me where to go - I'd love that.
I know how you feel - this is such a tough season isn't it?
I don't get to see family too much, but have been back home this weekend. And it's weird - I was thinking more about those that weren't there than those who were present.
My brother and I are in a constant battle over the fact that he likes to show my mom pictures of my dad and play sad music at the same time. He's been dead for five years now, but she's nowhere near over it - It seems to me that he's just being mean.
He calls it 'flooding'.
I blame Supernanny.
I hate having to go out to pick up or drop off children this time of year. It's only 5 p.m., but it looks like it's midnight. I wouldn't do well in Alaska. I look forward to December 21st as well. And funnily enough, February used to be the month I hated most. Now it's the month I start to notice the days getting longer.
Hello Debra: thanks for that lovely comment. Sorry to hear how much you miss your Mum, but I hope you will find plenty of comfort and joy this Christmas.
F*ck off Stinking Billy. Change my style? As if! (Satisfied now?)
:)
Hi Travelling: That Supernanny has a lot to answer for. In my experience you never really get over these sad things, you just learn to live with them.
Your brother's obviously trying to do his best, but maybe your Ma needs a break from being sad now and again. Just a thought. I bet she was thrilled to have you home though
Hi Wakeup! That's exactly how I feel! Once I get used to it, that's fine, but I always feel cheated when the clocks go back. Dark mornings and afternoons, don't like it!
Hi swearing mother. I loved cosying up by fire on dark wintry evenings, when I was young. It's different now, though. Dark evenings are depressing and suffocating. Absolute darkness makes me lose my breath, these days. I find January and February the worst months.
My husband's brother had his life-support machine turned off on Christmas day, a few years ago. He was 50. Christmas day just isn't the same any more.
I know what you mean about your present list getting smaller, but, you never know, one day it might start getting longer again. You know - grandchildren and stuff, maybe? I live in hope. Not just yet, though - but one day would be nice!!
I agree Mean Mom, that would be nice eventually, to be buying kids' toys again.
Can't say any more than the others have said except it is a lovley post.
Hi MOB: Thanks for that. I appreciate your comment MOB.
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