Friday, 18 April 2008

If Anyone Says "You're Only As Old As You Feel" There Will Be Trouble!

That naughty little minx, Mean Mom, has tagged me with a Meme. Is she psychic? How did she know that I'd sunk into the slough of despond (remember that slough, it's despond can be very nasty) and was wallowing in my own self-pity, unable to blog, and needed a well aimed kick up the backside to get me going again?

The problem? Well, it's been a really crappy week at work. People keep mentioning my age. Someone only three years younger than me told everyone I was "powering down to retirement" - that really hurt, considering I'm working far harder than some of those who are supposed to be powering up. Then I set fire to a baked potato in the office microwave because I was multi-tasking and answering everybody's goddam phone whilst I was at work and they were not. Now they must think I'm a senile old bat who can't be trusted with hot food. Bollocks.

I. Have. Had. Enough. A joke's a joke, but things are getting on top of me and I'm beginninig to lose my sense of humour. I need some time out, so have taken the week off to go away and think about what I'm doing with my life, which is very little considering the length of time I've been on this planet.

In the meantime, the Meme. Can't believe there's anything you don't already know about me, but simply because I love Mean Mom and she's showered me with awards, I am going to do it anyway. But not with good grace, obviously. I am after all a crabby old bag. And don't think I'm obeying the rules (or telling you what they are) or passing the meme on or anything like that either, because at my advanced age I'll probably forget, simply not bother or be too bloody arsey to do it properly.

Sorry about that.

Now go get a blanket and prepare to nod off while I carry on dribbling down my cardigan:

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Precisely the same sodding thing that I'm doing now. Only I was younger and not "powering down for retirement". Huh.

Name 5 snacks you enjoy.

1. Charcoal baked potatoes, left in the microwave too long because I WAS RUNNING ROUND LIKE A BLUE ARSED FLY and didn't notice the smoke.
2. Stewed apple that doesn't interfere with my dentures.
3. Anything that can be liquidised and taken through a straw.
4. Gruel.
5. Crustless bread dipped in warm milk, thank you nurse.

If you were a billionaire, how would you spend the money?

Go into work on Monday and tell everyone who annoys me to sod off.

Name 5 jobs you have had.

Five jobs too many. All involved working my arse off to make someone else look like a frigging genius.

Name 3 bad habits you have.

I can occasionally go over the top with my moaning and swearing(really?).

I am sometimes a bit vitriolic about people who annoy me (the whole wax/doll/pins scenario).

I have a burning urge for senseless violence and hideously bad language when riled (no shit, Sherlock).

I am seriously angry a lot of the time (surprise, surprise).

And yes, I know I am only supposed to have three bad habits, BUT DON'T ARGUE WITH ME, five is my absolute working minimum at the moment.

Name 5 places where you have lived.

Leamington Spa - lovely, lovely, lovely. Really lovely.

Birmingham, not the posh bit. Not very lovely at all. It wasn't my idea.

Birmingham, the slightly posher bit. A bit more lovely.

Tamworth, not very posh or lovely but very friendly. With very affordable housing.

Birmingham, the very posh bit, thinks it's lovely, but is just up itself really. And still not as lovely as Leamington.

So that's it. Wish it was a bit more interesting, but there it is, my life in a nutshell.

And what the fuck does it all amount to?

I have absolutely no idea. Not enough, that's for sure.

And did I mention it's my birthday next week? Probably not.


Lola said...

Oooh you are cross. Don't come near me, you crabby old thing. All right then, do - come and visit Leamington Spa again this weekend, it's lovely lovely lovely as you say, and go to The Cricketers pub down by the bowling greens where Smurf the barman will cheer you up with some witty banter and some beer and food. Tell him I sent you. You might even see me there. In fact, I'll make sure I buy you a pint. Or some other beverage of your choosing. Except I don't know what you look like so you'll have to make yourself known with some sort of secret sign, like a limp, or making the sign of the burnt potato, or by humming 'Dancing Queen' quite loud or something.

Swearing Mother said...

Lola, hello, a voice from the lovely Leamington. I may well turn up at the Cricketers, and this time I'll be old enough to get served.

You will definitely recognise me by the sign of the burnt potato, or rather the smell, which is a bit like bonfires.

laurie said...

oh my god you have me in stitches!

the mother of this lot said...

Oh dear. Maybe I'll call back tomorrow....

belle said...

Sod the lot of 'em, fire up that lovely motor of your's and burn some rubber. They can eat your exhaust fumes. 'Powering down to retirement' my arse!

Swearing Mother said...

Hi Laurie, lovely to read you again.

Hi Mother of This Lot, sorry about the swearing, I know it's a bit OTT.... but then, that's me unfortunately.

Hi Belle! Good plan!

Bitter Sweet Chocolate Irene said...

Hi you grumpy old bear person you. It must be wonderful to just let them fly and have them land where they will. When I do it, I invariably get into some sort of trouble, so how do you deal with the aftermath? Other people's bullying husbands, etc? This is a serious question! I love to be a bitch, but I don't have the grande finale part down yet.

Mean Mom said...

Oh, welcome back! I've missed you and you're on top form!

I have a friend who is approx 10 years younger than me. Every so often she asks me how old I am, so that she can say 'Are you? I didn't realise you were that old!' I love her, really! Sorry you've had a crappy week and that you're feeling p***** off.

Meme is great! Knew I could rely on you to liven it up! Who thinks up these things? Ooops! No-one heard me say that, did they?

Aaah! I love you too. Pass me a tissue to mop up my tears! Pass me another one and I'll wipe that dribble up off your cardigan! Oh, dear, you may have to wear a clean one, tomorrow.

Try to have a good birthday. Must go now. I have to take my medecine and then it's lights out in my padded cell. Thanks for doing the meme and so fast as well!

Debra in France said...

You are brill!! I howled at this post - laughing that is. Well, you better make sure you do the lottery then you can tell 'em all where to go. Why should you be 'powering down to retirement', what a shitty phrase if ever I heard one. I have found as we get older we work harder that any of the youngsters, have more energy and commonsense.

I hope you have a great birthday, go and get pissed!

Swearing Mother said...

Hi Sweet Irene, it's a difficult thing, venting one's fury without upsetting too many people. That's why I do it on the internet instead of face to face!

As to other people's bullying husbands, I've taken on the odd one and find that female guile and a bit of psychology is better than a confrontation. A charm offensive kind of thing.

Mean Mom, hi! Thanks for the boot up the bum, I needed it, but unfortunately I came out fighting. Showed husband your post of the 6th Nov last year, the one with the alium photo. It still makes me howl with laughter, and the post along with it. Think that must be my all time favourite post, you should use it again for those who missed it the first time!

Bonjour Debra, thanks so much for visiting. I would say "there's many a fine tune played on an old fiddle" but that would be buying in to the ageist theme! And my fiddle may be old, but it's in perfectly good nick. Sounds like you're fighting fit too if your blog is anything to go by!

Maggie May said...

Well that was a new slant on a meme!
Have a rant! we are all in a mood today! Glad you are "fighting fit" again.
Don't worry about work! I'm working with all age groups & its not the twenty somethings that are always referring to age! They are a nice lot. Not its the ones who are anything from 5 - 10 years younger than me, that are the culprits. One of them calls me "mother"! I keep telling her I was a very good girl when I was 10 yrs old...completely innocent! And ..... she is black! I ask you! And she's not the only one. Other rising 60s do it too!
Now I am having a rant with you cos I'm just in the mood!

Anonymous said...

Creased here - you sound like my twin lolol.
I was so fed up of my work I resigned took two months off and started my own business.
I too am sick of being asked -when do you slow down, or comments like,bit old to start a business.
I can do what ever I put my mind too.
I am sick of weedy youngsters transfering their insipidness to me.
I am woman I am mother I am me
Where did I leave my specs :0)

travelling, but not in love said...

OK, you're scaring me again.

Sounds like the week off is a good idea. V. good idea.

We'd all be better off without the fools we have to work with - where do they find these people?

Ho hum. Lovely and hot and sunny here today. Does that cheer you up?

travelling, but not in love said...

ooh, look at you Valleys Mam - I am woman, hear me roar and all that.


Mopsa said...

Witty woman. "I am seriously angry a lot of the time"... I SO relate, but still don't know WHY. It burns up so much energy, but still I rant and kick and swear (as a teenager I used to bugger hairbrushes by flinging them full belt at the walls of my bedroom in rage... I'm sure I was meant to have grown out of that by now, but not sure I have). Where does it come from? Inside or out?

Expatmum said...

I think your temperament makes you a good candidate to retrain as a dentist, chiropodist - anyone who can inflict pain on others legitimately! It could be the making of you.
And tell all those young whippersnappers to sod off.

Swearing Mother said...

Maggie May, Valleys Mam, Mopsa, Expatmum and Travelling - I love you all.

Telling whippersnappers to sod off is my forte, I shall go forthwith and find some to shout at and say that you sent me.

Thanks so much, you have all made me feel SO much better.

Frog in the Field said...

I think your swearing is rather marvellous.
Your ranting is just fine and the Meme makes for hilarious reading.
Once, when renovating a country pub, the builders complained about my bad language...that's pretty bad isn't it?

Tina said...

Have a great birthday next week SM.

Ta ra a bit

Swearing Mother said...

Frog, I am in awe! Builders complaining about your bad language, how fabulous!

Tina! Hello bab, y'ume OK? Haven't sin you around in a whoile.

CrazyCath said...

Oh my goodness they definitely got up your nose didn't they? Don't let the buggers have that power I say! What do they know anyway? They are never there! (My stock answer at home AND work - "How would you know? You're never here/ you don't do the job / you've never tried it / etc).

Love your answers. I missed out the bad habit bit. I blame MoTL - I copied her. :-/

Just tell them one has to power UP for retirement. I should know - hubby retired 5 years ago and he is still getting through that list of jobs I have for him. And goes to work p/t (you don't think I'd let him clutter the house up all week do you?)

Cheer up. Glad you're back. And if you want a giggle, look at my last couple of posts! I'm in seriously giggly mood. ;0)

elizabethm said...

Wow, now I have picked myself up off the floor I am looking for the burn marks on my own cardi. Can't find any so far, the dribble must have put the flames out.
Seriously sounds like you would be better off elsewhere, or do what I do and work a lot lot less so there are loads of distractions going on. A week off sounds a great idea, hope you feel better for it.

Manic Mother Of Five said...

Oh fuck off sweary. Go have a spin in that sporty little number you bought last year and blow away this black cloud you have hanging over you. It was only a couple of weeks ago you were hanging out with the Rolling Stones - remember! Age is just a number - 40 is the new 30 and all that bollocks. DO NOT allow yourself to get sucked into the numbers game. My last boss retired at 53, hated it, started another business, became successful all over again and decided at 70 perhaps she wanted to take things a bit easier. It's all down to your state of mind and any who is as up to date with popular vernacular, such as yourself, well then you are a mere pup.

OK, you can wake up, lecture over.

Love ya

MMoF xxx

Swearing Mother said...

Cath, thanks for the laugh. I remember those Ladybird books so well.

Hi ElizabethM, thanks for that reassuring comment, I am now wondering what to do with myself for the week - not used to time off!

Hello MMOF! I've missed you! Thanks for the talking to, I needed it. I'll soon bounce back, they'd better all watch out.

Amy said...

All right. It was a grand idea. You're tagged, woman. Cork us with the limerick meme.

aims said...

I heard somewhere else that you were being quite cranky - so I came to have a look! Hey-ho....they weren't kidding!

But Girl - I don't blame you!

I'd be telling everyone to sod off too..although we don't say that here in Canada - but I still think it's a great saying!

Birthdays- pffft - more like commiseration time...

Swearing Mother said...

Amy, will do my best. Thanks for playing!

Aims, hello. Yes indeed I have been in a bit of a mood of late. Better now :o)

Winchester whisperer said...

Happy b'day for next week

Swearing Mother said...

Thanks Winchester Whisperer. I was trying to ignore it but have pulled myself together now.

Have been out shopping today and spent an indecent amount of money on totally unsuitable clothes.


softinthehead said...

Wow what a lot of comments, and rightly deserved - laughed out loud, I loved the billionaire idea - don't we all long for that day!! Many "happy" returns next week :)

Swearing Mother said...

Thanks Softinthehead, had a great birthday with family, lots of gin and a good old Brummie Curry!

Rachel said...

Have just found your blog, guided by Three Dog Blog, and have laughed out loud over it. I know this comment relates to an old post, but age-related rage should still be a relevant issue for you, I guess!

For some time I was the oldest person on the corridor at work (probably about 70 people in all) and got hugely bored with having my age referred to whenever someone wanted to make a feeble joke while at the same time making full and free use of my skills, experience and old-fashioned education which allowed me to spell most things correctly. Then one day, a eureka moment - I started saying no to requests to take on additional work, organise things, check people's documents and so on, and saying pleasantly, "I think you all forget how old I am; I can't keep working at this 30-year-old's pace, you know." And after the initial shocked silence, no more jokes and a lot more respect. And then I retired early, and feel about 20 years younger. Keep up the good fight.