Wednesday, 30 April 2008

In The Real World......

A bit busy this week, so I'm sharing this with you. Donated by kitchen weary work-mates.

1. Nigella's Way
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice-cream drips.
The Real Woman's Way
Just bite the end off and suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for goodness' sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

2. Nigella's Way
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Woman's Way
Buy Smash and keep it in the cupboard for up to a year.

3. Nigella's Way
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Woman's Way
Tesco sells cakes. They even do decorated versions.

4. Nigella's Way
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.
The Real Woman's Way
If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough!. Please recite with me the Real Woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

5. Nigella's Way
Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
The Real Woman's Way
It could keep forever. Who eats it?

6. Nigella's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
The Real Woman's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of vodka Drink the vodka. You might still have the headache, but you won't care!

7. Nigella's Way
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
The Real Woman's Way
Why do I have a man?

8. Nigella's Way
Freeze left-over wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles
The Real Woman's Way
Left-over wine???? Helllloooo....

26 comments:

softinthehead said...

How true!

Barb McMahon said...

Number 8 especially!

CalumCarr said...

Nigella who??

When does your book - "How to Really Cheat at Cooking" come out?

Lucy Diamond said...

That is a brilliant list - have you been watching me at 'work' in the kitchen and taking notes?? ;)

Debra in France said...

You are just brilliant!!!! I howled at this. They are all absolutely true, especially no 1 and the last one. Debra xx

Maggie May said...

Left over wine! Some hopes! Gone in a flash in this household!

She's like the wind said...

Back to the Mill & Boons, I'm really sad I loved it, please post it. xx

Swearing Mother said...

Softinthehead: Great minds!

Barb, hello, number 8 was written just for us.

Calum: that's a great idea, watch this space!

Lucy, hi,how are you?

Debra, it's funny how the wine one is everyone's favourite!

Maggie, hello. If I want wine for cooking, I always have to open a bottle. And then another....

She's Like The Wind: Oooh, I dunno. Don't you think I'll get laughed out of blogland?

Pam said...

The small marshmallow thing really bothered me. If that's true she needs a swift kick up the bum, a glass of wine and a good seeing to.
Loved the post as usual :-)

MZUNGU CHICK said...

That'll be Nigella from LaLa Land then?!? You're soooo right and Nigella has it soooo wrong! He He :)

aminah said...

hahaha
this is brilliant!

The celery one I so relate to...and with or without foil, the damn stuff seems to never have a sell by date and hence never ever rots so I can least bin it with a good concious

Swearing Mother said...

Hiya Pam, it made me laugh too. I'd never put a marshmallow in my ice-cream cone, think of the extra calories! Rather have a Cadbury's Flake instead.

Mzungu Chick, if true she's away with the fairy cakes I think!

Aminah, hello. I love celery and always have at least two packs rotting away at the bottom of the fridge at any one time.

Maggie May said...

There's an award over at my place, if you'd like to collect it!

Mean Mom said...

Many supermarket cakes can look remarkably home-made, when you put them in a plastic bag and stick on a handwritten label. Great for school camp!

I don't think my local supermarket has sold any celery since 1985. You could surround yourself with it, if you wanted to survive the next nuclear explosion.

Why do we have men? That's deep. I don't know. I'll have to think about that one and come back.

Leftover wine is a totally alien concept to my husband.

Great post. Loved it. Think of some more.

Metamorphic Sweet Wood Irene said...

I am so glad that I am a real woman. I had some doubts until I read this.

travelling, but not in love said...

Ha! I'm sure you only talk about this woman because you know how much I dislike her!

"ooh, I like to dip my finger in the cream, ooh I like to lick it off, ooh I've got cream down my chin...." Whatever, Nigella.

Patronising, ridiculous and fake.

Admittedly she has a great rack, but that doesn't really do it for me.

tra la la....

David said...

Oh God I just read this to my wife. We are howling away. Thank you for making my day/week/month!
Your killing me

Swearing Mother said...

Maggie May, thanks!

Will do my best Mean Mom, glad you liked it.

Hi Sweet Irene.

Hi Travelling, yes I know you're not one for Nigella but she's just such an easy target.

David, hi! So glad you enjoyed it. Will be over to check up on you ASAP.

CrazyCath said...

Oh this is so good! I have seen it a long time ago but forgotten about it. I so needed the laugh right now. Thank you SM. Thank you . I can rely on you to come up with the goods.

Semaj Mahgih said...

Who's Nigella?

Working mum said...

LOL!

Number 7 is my thought exactly!

Swearing Mother said...

Hi CrazyCath, everything OK with you I hope.

Semaj, Nigella is a woman who manages to make the very mundane act of preparing dinner look like something totally erotic, she can lick the cream off her fingers in a pornographic way, and she can make my husband buy me a new kitchen. The woman's a genius.

Working Mum: It's so, so true!

Expatmum said...

Smash - ugh. That stuff was banned even from our house where my mother hated cooking. The testure makes me shudder even now - like nails down a blackboard.

Swearing Mother said...

Expatmum, Smash is very good for making potato patties apparently, or so Nigella says. Bletch.

Bollinger Byrd said...

just got here courtesy of wake up. Absolutely brill, loved it... left over wine is the woman completely mad!

Milla said...

Isn't it Delia we are meant to blame for this lot???